I love thunderstorms that threaten to rip the world apartI love lying in the dark on cool sheets with a fan blowing on meI love movies, all kinds of moviesI love animals, all of themI love not owning an umbrella when it’s rainingI love life
I love watching the moon rise over the mountainsI love meteor showers even though I want to wear a hard hat while they are happeningI love the sound of the desert when the wind is blowingI love black and white photography, especially, even though I love photography as a whole
I love dust storms that sweep across the valley
I love the way asphalt smells after it rains
I love that I have unlimited texting on my phone
I love that my dog climbs into bed with me when I go to sleep,
Even though he is as big as I am and takes up most of the bed
I loved the way this site helped me get over my dad’s death
I love music, all of it
I love the way certain photographer’s works make me feel
I love the violence of nature even when it ends up being disastrous for people
I love those huge suckers that are swirly
I love when I hear adults laugh like children
With no pretense and no restraint
I love everything bagels with cream cheese
And I absolutely adore coffee.
I love the smell of fresh cut grass. :)
I Love winter, the clothes, the fires, the holidays, the way real pine trees smell,
I love roasting marshmallows, ooh jelly bellies, there’s an addiction for ya.
I love getting lost period, I love having people secretly love me.(thanks Sara) :)
I love books and I love the way books smell. Weird, I know.
I have a small library in my house, and I won’t use air fresheners in there just cause I love the smell the books give the room.
I would love to have a kitty to purr loudly but Zeus won’t let me
I love hearing stories of miracles, even though they don’t work for me
I love fruit smoothies of all flavors
I love my tigger slippers
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
This is a print screen of the Vision Age Contest where I received an Honorable Mention. I thought it was pretty neat.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Polar Bear Love
An almost mythical species whose habitat is being melted away faster and faster each year.
Thunderstorm Bliss
My second favorite time of year here in Phoenix. The first is what little winter we get. So here is a taste of what I love about this place.
This was taken yesterday just out of my back yard. Bring on the rain.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The Other Side of April...
Generally a time of spring and new growth and snow melt and flowers blooming, April is supposed to be fresh and new and lovely. And it is sometimes, but that does not stop life from happening or death...
April Fools... Tricks and jokes abound. You might find your bed short sheeted or your shoelaces tied together, year after year, the same tricks so you almost know what to expect. Two years ago, I received a phone call at about 10:30 am. A frantic call from my fathers girlfriend. At first I thought it was a joke. When what she was saying penetrated my disbelief, I prayed for her to be joking. It took me less than five minutes to get to my father's house. Where I found a hysterical woman and my father lying on the bathroom floor. She hadn't even called 911 yet... So, I yelled at her to call 911 while trying to get my father to respond to my attempts to rouse him. I knew right away by looking at his face what had happened. So, I shoved the hysterical woman out of the bathroom, and tried to make my dad more comfortable while we waited for the paramedics. My brother also beats the emergency crew to the house and helps me. My father keeps trying to get up, but due to the stroke, has no control over his body. I try to keep him calm by talking to him and holding him until the emts show up. They carry him out of the bathroom and into the living room, where they cut the clothes from his body, and ask all the questions that you could give a shit less about, but you know you have to answer. He is unresponsive except for the occasional moan. They get him situated and shipped off to the Mayo Clinic. When I hit the hospital, as the next of kin, I was given choices. Choices over whether my father was to live or die. The first was the injection that might open the clot and somewhat reverse the effects of the stroke. On the other hand if they didn't give him the shot in that three hour window, it might very well kill him. I okay that shot, because I assumed that he had had the stroke just before hysterical girlfriend called. I figured we were in the safe zone still. Turns out I was wrong to trust hysterical girlfriend. (later it came out that he had had the stroke around 7am). Here starts our hospital wait. The head ER doctor asked me if I wanted him resuscitated if the treatment didn't work.
I said no...and signed the DNR.
My dad had always told me that if he couldn't take care of himself, he didn't want to live. Signing that piece of paper broke my heart. It shattered the calm that I had surrounded myself with, that calm that allows for action instead of hesitation. There were no tears. I knew in my heart of hearts that if my dad ever realized how bad off he was, he would find someway to end it. I told everyone he would have been better off if he had died right away. It was truth I spoke, without the benefit of compassion for the others in that room. It was cold, but knowing my dad, he would have said the same thing in the same way.
They showed us the results of the CAT and MRI scans. I knew just by looking that one whole side of his brain was dead. I didn't need to listen to the neurologists words. I walked away.
April 2nd. Waiting in the hospital, calling friends and family, more waiting. The miracle injection didn't work. At this point we are waiting for stability. People come, hang out in the ICU for awhile, come and go, we get yelled by a nurse for being too loud. Sharing stories and laughter for the past while my father lay in the hospital bed. My stepmother and hysterical girlfriend(long story) take the night shift and I go home.
April 3rd. 2007. I am getting ready to drop Zeus off at the vet so he can get neutered then head back to the hospital to sit with my dad. I get a call at 7:30am, that saves Zeus, but sends despair into the bottom of my heart. My dad has taken a turn for the worse. The miracle injection caused a major bleed that was swelling his already broken brain. I get to the hospital, He is now on oxygen, because the swelling is shutting down his vital organs. It is a matter of time, and I am pulled into a room filled with too many doctors, to be told that he won't last the day. My grandmother shows up a few hours later and gets to tell her baby boy goodbye. Hysterical woman yells at me to do something, And the calm that I have wrapped around me snaps. "There is nothing else, this is it!" I yell in her face. I am being pulled away from hysterical girlfriend before I beat the shit out of her. She leaves, peace for awhile until, the sounds from the breathing machine become erratic. The nurse comes in and tells me there is less than an hour left, she has seen this before, so I take her word for it. I go and sit by my daddy, and hold onto him as he takes his last forced breath and tell him I love him and he is not alone.
April Fools... Tricks and jokes abound. You might find your bed short sheeted or your shoelaces tied together, year after year, the same tricks so you almost know what to expect. Two years ago, I received a phone call at about 10:30 am. A frantic call from my fathers girlfriend. At first I thought it was a joke. When what she was saying penetrated my disbelief, I prayed for her to be joking. It took me less than five minutes to get to my father's house. Where I found a hysterical woman and my father lying on the bathroom floor. She hadn't even called 911 yet... So, I yelled at her to call 911 while trying to get my father to respond to my attempts to rouse him. I knew right away by looking at his face what had happened. So, I shoved the hysterical woman out of the bathroom, and tried to make my dad more comfortable while we waited for the paramedics. My brother also beats the emergency crew to the house and helps me. My father keeps trying to get up, but due to the stroke, has no control over his body. I try to keep him calm by talking to him and holding him until the emts show up. They carry him out of the bathroom and into the living room, where they cut the clothes from his body, and ask all the questions that you could give a shit less about, but you know you have to answer. He is unresponsive except for the occasional moan. They get him situated and shipped off to the Mayo Clinic. When I hit the hospital, as the next of kin, I was given choices. Choices over whether my father was to live or die. The first was the injection that might open the clot and somewhat reverse the effects of the stroke. On the other hand if they didn't give him the shot in that three hour window, it might very well kill him. I okay that shot, because I assumed that he had had the stroke just before hysterical girlfriend called. I figured we were in the safe zone still. Turns out I was wrong to trust hysterical girlfriend. (later it came out that he had had the stroke around 7am). Here starts our hospital wait. The head ER doctor asked me if I wanted him resuscitated if the treatment didn't work.
I said no...and signed the DNR.
My dad had always told me that if he couldn't take care of himself, he didn't want to live. Signing that piece of paper broke my heart. It shattered the calm that I had surrounded myself with, that calm that allows for action instead of hesitation. There were no tears. I knew in my heart of hearts that if my dad ever realized how bad off he was, he would find someway to end it. I told everyone he would have been better off if he had died right away. It was truth I spoke, without the benefit of compassion for the others in that room. It was cold, but knowing my dad, he would have said the same thing in the same way.
They showed us the results of the CAT and MRI scans. I knew just by looking that one whole side of his brain was dead. I didn't need to listen to the neurologists words. I walked away.
April 2nd. Waiting in the hospital, calling friends and family, more waiting. The miracle injection didn't work. At this point we are waiting for stability. People come, hang out in the ICU for awhile, come and go, we get yelled by a nurse for being too loud. Sharing stories and laughter for the past while my father lay in the hospital bed. My stepmother and hysterical girlfriend(long story) take the night shift and I go home.
April 3rd. 2007. I am getting ready to drop Zeus off at the vet so he can get neutered then head back to the hospital to sit with my dad. I get a call at 7:30am, that saves Zeus, but sends despair into the bottom of my heart. My dad has taken a turn for the worse. The miracle injection caused a major bleed that was swelling his already broken brain. I get to the hospital, He is now on oxygen, because the swelling is shutting down his vital organs. It is a matter of time, and I am pulled into a room filled with too many doctors, to be told that he won't last the day. My grandmother shows up a few hours later and gets to tell her baby boy goodbye. Hysterical woman yells at me to do something, And the calm that I have wrapped around me snaps. "There is nothing else, this is it!" I yell in her face. I am being pulled away from hysterical girlfriend before I beat the shit out of her. She leaves, peace for awhile until, the sounds from the breathing machine become erratic. The nurse comes in and tells me there is less than an hour left, she has seen this before, so I take her word for it. I go and sit by my daddy, and hold onto him as he takes his last forced breath and tell him I love him and he is not alone.
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